


What Dreams May Come

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: Rare Ships Creation Challenge [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Cuddling, Discussion of Torture, Discussion of sexual assault, M/M, Sam and Not Taking Care of Himself, Unfortunately All Torture/Sexual Assault References are Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 04:12:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8518048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Sam can't sleep.  Cas abandons the hunt for Lucifer to help.  With cuddles.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the SPN Rare Ship Creations Challenge
> 
> Prompt: Sastiel, cuddling

Cas knocked on the door. Sam answered it, looking even worse than Cas had expected from Mary’s call. He didn’t show it, didn’t say anything about Sam’s frazzled appearance or the bags under his eyes or the odd mustard stain on Sam’s flannel shirt. “Hello, Sam.”

Sam yawned and stepped back, letting Cas enter. “Hey. How’s the hunt for Lucifer going?”

Cas shrugged. “The lead I had, Crowley was already investigating. So I left Crowley to it, with instructions to call if he needed backup, and came home.”

“Home?” Sam turned a little pink as he smiled. “Wanna watch some NetFlix?”

“I would love to. Any recommendations, or should I pick something random?” Cas glanced at the bed – it looked untouched. The desk, on the other hand, was cluttered with books and Sam’s laptop and phone. That didn’t bode well. He went and sat on one side of the bed, grabbing the remote from the nightstand.

Thankfully, Sam came and sat on the other side of the bed. “Whatever you wanna watch is good. I’d… I’d prefer something not all that violent.”

Cas nodded. “I’ve been wanting to watch this _Cosmos_ series. Metatron gave me the original, but not the new version. How does that sound?”

“Neil deGrasse Tyson is awesome. That sounds great.”

Cas found the series and got it started. Ten minutes into the episode, Sam was curled into his side, with Cas’s arm around him. Twenty minutes in, Sam’s head was on Castiel’s chest as he slept. By the end of the first episode, Sam actually looked peaceful, happy, as he clung to Castiel and slept.

So Castiel kept watching. By the time he’d finished the last episode, Sam was still sleeping peacefully. He’d barely moved, just enough to keep Castiel from worrying about him, and every time it seemed to bring him closer to Cas. Cas hadn’t moved much either, only adjusted to help Sam be more comfortable. It was nice. He flipped through the recommendations, eventually choosing The Blue Planet. It fascinated Castiel to see just how little humans understood about parts of their own planet, even as they were starting to uncover the scope and grandeur of other worlds.

Sam woke up in the middle of the sixth episode. He stretched and blinked a couple times before cuddling back against Cas. “How long was I asleep?”

Castiel paused NetFlix. “Eighteen hours, more or less. How do you feel?”

“Exhausted. Idiotic." Sam smothered a yawn. "Dean and Mom kept telling me I needed sleep, but I kept saying I was fine. Guess they were right. I just… I didn’t want to sleep, you know?”

“To sleep, perchance to dream?”

“Aye, there’s the rub.” Sam shivered a little, and Castiel pulled the blanket a little higher. “Mom doesn’t know any of this, and Dean knows about it but I don’t think he gets it really.”

“Dean understands nightmares. He’s been through his own fair share of them, Sam. He’s still not sleeping well for seeing himself with black eyes, or the things he did or nearly did to you under the Mark’s influence.” Castiel ran a hand over Sam’s hair. “I assume what you went through in that basement is bringing back old memories, worse than just Lucifer being free would warrant?”

“I’m not worried about Lucifer. You’ve got my back there, you and Dean both. Right now my biggest worry about Lucifer is warning Mom about him without making her feel even more guilty about everything.”

Cas shook his head. That was so Sam. “Would telling me about it help?”

Sam sighed. “Probably. It’s just… it’s gonna be hard, you know? What they did to me, it’s weak sauce compared to what I’ve been through with Lucifer and Zachariah and others.”

“On the other hand, Lucifer and Zachariah are awful, supernatural beings who were trying to destroy humans. Toni and her friends are humans, and should be on your side. That makes a difference.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sam buried his face in Cas’s chest. “For all I laughed at them and played it off, you know what they started with? A cold shower. So the entire time they were torturing me in other ways, even when they blowtorched my foot… I was freezing.”

“I’m not sure whether they’re very lucky or very thorough in their research.” Cas used his grace to warm himself up. “Since Amara pulled Lucifer from me, I’ve been keeping myself at a higher temperature than normal. I’ve deliberately run a fever ever since. It’s not good for me, but I need to do it right now.”

Sam lifted his head, and Cas could see the amusement. “So that’s why you feel so good right now. Thanks for letting me get away with this, by the way.” Cas looked at him curiously. Get away with what? “Having you here while I sleep… you’ve got so much more important shit to be doing right now, but you never left me.”

“Of course not. I’m not going to leave you until I know you’re actually doing better.”

“I know. You’re always here for me.” Sam fell silent, holding tight to Cas. “She gave me things. Made me hallucinate. Put me in altered forms of reality. I thought I was done with those, but apparently, I wasn’t done enough.”

“Good or bad?”

“Both. I mean, at the time… it felt good. It was nice. I was happy, and I was warm, and I was…” Sam squeezed his eyes shut, turning away from Cas. “I was in bed. With Toni. We were… you know. It wasn’t like this, it was…”

“Oh, Sam.” Cas brought his other arm up and held Sam close. “I’m so sorry. That’s not on you. It’s not your fault. Please don’t let her make you think you are at all responsible for it.”

“But… I liked it. And afterwards, after I realized what was going on and ended the spell… she taunted me with that. That I’d enjoyed it and it was good for me.”

“It being good for you was no more real than any other part of the hallucination. Especially if there was spellwork involved. You were ashamed afterwards, when you realized you’d been tricked?” Sam nodded. “Then it wasn’t good for you. You’re not at fault any more than any other victim of sexual assault.”

“I know. I know that, I do. But it doesn’t help, really. Telling myself that doesn’t help. You saying it… that does, because what you think of me matters.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but it makes it sound like what you think of you doesn’t matter.” Castiel turned Sam’s face back toward him. “Sam, your mother and Dean and I all love you, but we can’t be the only ones. You need to love yourself, too. You’re worthy of it. If Sam Winchester isn’t worthy of Sam’s love, how can anyone else hope to be?”

Sam picked his head up a little and raised an eyebrow. “Cas, you know I love you, right?”

That was certainly a complicated question, and one that Castiel wasn’t sure he wanted to get into. Not now. Not when Sam needed him so badly. “Dean gave me the family speech.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Again? Maybe he should start acting like it before you get in trouble so that he doesn’t have to do the after-the-fact speech.”

“That would be nice, but it’s not the point. The point is I know you both love me as a brother.”

“As a… no, Cas. Dean does, but I don’t.” Sam laughed a little. “Not unless people have been right about me my whole life and I need help because that’s not how you think of your brother.”

“You… think of me like that?” 

“Oh. Um. I… I really thought you knew that. Shit.” Sam sat up straight, pulling away from Cas. “I know Dean’s told you. Several times.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Dean has a long history of messing with us both. I thought that’s what it was.”

“Well, yeah. But that doesn’t mean he was lying. Kind of like demons – they lie, sure, but they tell the truth when the truth is gonna mess with you just as much.”

“Oh.” Cas reached out to Sam, putting a hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

“I slept for nearly an entire day. And yet, I’m still tired. Right now, though, I think I need a shower. Chance to… chance to clear my head and try to think a little.” Sam stood up and grabbed some fresh pajamas, disappearing down the hall.

When he came back, he looked surprised to see Castiel still there, still in bed watching NetFlix. “Hey.”

“Did the shower help?”

“Yeah. I… I think I’m gonna try to sleep some more. If… if you wanna…”

Cas squinted at Sam in confusion and held out an arm in invitation. “This is exactly where I want to be. If you need me to leave, I will, but I see no need to change how we’ve been doing anything yet. Not until you’ve had a chance to recover a bit more from your trauma.”

“Then what?” But Sam came and laid down beside Cas, cuddling up against him.

“Then we talk about what changes you might like to make, and what I want, and see what we can agree on. If I’d known Dean was correct, we’d have had this conversation two years ago, when he first told me. I thought it was the Mark making him try to get us fighting each other instead of working together to save Dean.” Cas pulled Sam close. “But to keep you from worrying about it, and make it something you’re looking forward to… that’s what I meant when I said I love you. As you love me, not as Dean and Mary love you.”

Sam smiled and laid his head down on Castiel's chest. This time, as he slept, Castiel could sense the difference in his dreams. These dreams... much better.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are the cuddliest little fluffies imaginable!


End file.
